Anxiety, Fear, and Chest Pains!

When you're doubled over with severe chest pains, yet you continue to cook dinner with your left hand and Google symptoms of a heart attack with your right (true story), something needs to be done!

For years I've put everyone else's needs first...well now it's mama's turn. If I don't do it now, there may not be a later. I truly believe this to be true! For fourteen years I've done nothing but worry about JJ and his future. Then I'd tell myself, nightly, "it's all good...he'll be just fine!" I do believe that but... How good will it get? Know what I mean??? At 14, entering high school, and having them talk (ALREADY) about "what do we see him doing after graduation...", has this lady's  mind in panicked overdrive!!! And guess what happens when you hold those worries close to your heart? Yes...anxiety, fear, and NOW chest pains!

If you've read some of my previous blogs, then you already know that JJ has just graduated from the only school he's ever known. For twelve years...many of the same students, teachers, special educators, and para professionals. And many of these individuals have become dear friends of ours. Over the years I have learned to lean on them for support, guidance, and reassurance that... "It's all good...he'll be just fine." But what happens when that suddenly goes away? Well, from my personal point of view, I can tell you it feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath my feet and I'm running with socks on, trying to keep from falling, all while the room is spinning! It won't stop...

We were comfortable... They all knew JJ and his quirky ways. And with all the autism awareness spread at the school, I felt his peers really understood and accepted him. There may not have been a lot of play dates or phone calls to get together, but he was well liked and most of all accepted for who he is!

They've all graduated and are moving on to their various high schools. Only a very small handful of those heading to the same school as JJ. Will he adjust well to a new school? Will the teachers take the time to know and, most importantly, understand him? Will he make new friends? Will he be bullied, teased, made to feel unimportant? Will he find a path he'll continue on after high school? What will he be when he grows up??? And will his former classmates want to keep in touch with him??? The unknown is frightening!!!

All these questions are making MY anxiety unbearable now... I can't focus, I'm snapping at others, and my level of patience is at an all time low! Even JJ has suggested..."You need to see a psychiatrist and start taking better care of yourself."

These worries aren't going away anytime soon. And it's going to be a long four years of high school...so I better take JJ's advice. As usual, he makes the most sense of anybody I'll ever know!

At the end of 8th grade JJ was asked to answer some questions about his experiences and what he felt about leaving, and moving on to high school. His special ed teacher e-mailed the following picture to me.

Find a quote that personally connected to you. How could you use it as you move ahead into high school?
JJ ~ "just to keep calm and carry on even in the toughest times that you are having in life."

I'm going to try my best to take this advice. In the meantime, I've taken his advice and made an appointment with the Dr.! I know now, it's impossible for me to take on all the "will he" and "what ifs" without taking better care of myself FIRST. Thanks JJ for putting it into perspective for me, once again! You may not let me publicly call you my professor anymore, but you will always be my greatest teacher!

I'm sure there will be future posts about my adventures on "the couch"...but until then, I'm going to take long walks, take deep breaths, and keep calm. Just like JJ said! Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!!!

~ Proud Aspie Mom

He thought he had nothing to be proud of...

When he walked into the house, with a sad look upon his face, I asked him "what's wrong?" His reply... "I thought I did some good stuff this year, guess not."

Let me explain...The school year was ending, his final year at a school he's attended for twelve years (Pre K - 8th), and the kids were all excited for the year end activities! One of these events is an awards night where students are recognized, mainly 8th graders, for academic achievements and various other school wide achievements as well. Students receiving awards would receive a letter in the mail. JJ checked our mailbox for about two weeks before he realized, nothing was coming. I took the sad faced boy aside to have a little pep talk... Making him realize that there are very few awards presented that night, and that he wasn't the only one not receiving one, took some time. He soon just accepted it and moved on, like he always does, to the next thing on his schedule for the day...

I'm not going to lie here...it wasn't only a disappointment for JJ, I too felt a bit let down. At first I was really upset/angry...but then I remembered my talk with JJ. We talked about the greatest year he just had. A year where he stepped way outside of his comfort zone, not just in school but outside as well... No piece of paper/award was going to change that!

So he thought he had nothing to be proud of, after reading this post I hope he'll realize, what I already know, he has EVERYTHING to be proud...

The school year began with the kids being told, "this is your last year here, your last chance to do something you've never done before...make it count." My "Mr. Literal" took those words to heart and, what we called, the year of Josh would soon take off!

As I said before, this was his twelfth year at the school. JJ started just days prior to his third birthday in their preschool program, where he spent three years. Through the years he's never shown much interest in any of the school's extracurricular activities, EXCEPT Lego Club and Star Wars Club (Of Course). Never showed an interest in attending a school play, concert, talent show, etc...and speaking in front of a crowd was painful to watch at times. So Imagine my surprise when he came home last September and declared, "I'm running for student council president! I might try out for soccer too!" The desire to play soccer soon left his thoughts, but he DID run for president! He may not have won the actual election, but we all know he really did... He made posters (ok, I helped) to put up around the school. He even gave a speech, which he wrote, in front of the entire middle school with confidence. When he lost the election, he did so with grace...never upset for a moment, because he knew he did something amazing. Now that's WINNING!

Next up... "Hey mom, I'm auditioning for the Song to Symphony play at school." My first thought was, does he realize this will involve acting, singing, AND dancing? These are all things he's never enjoyed, but he was on a mission to give it a try. The long hours of rehearsal soon began to take its toll on him. He had to adjust his daily routine, which meant less time spent on his passions...video games, Star Wars, and Legos! After numerous text messages such as, "Pick me up NOW Please Please Please, I'm your only son!", and "I'm not staying until 5:00, that crazy!", he stuck it out... There he stood, center stage, acting, singing and YES...dancing too! As my husband yelled out, "that's my boy!", everyone knew what that moment just meant to us.

It was now December and the new year was quickly approaching... After the first of every year our family begins our annual mission to raise funds for those living with autism, through the Western Connecticut Walk Now for Autism Speaks. This is something we have done together for the past six years, and JJ really enjoys it! One of our proudest moments of this year was when JJ was asked to give a speech at the walk kick off dinner.  At first he said, "no, I already gave a speech this year, just one speech per year!" After thinking it through, he realized it was a new year and then said yes. He organized his thoughts, wrote a speech on why he walks, and then bravely stood in front of a room full of people where he gave a speech we'll never forget! Autism Speaks has recently posted the video of his speech to their national Facebook page and website! Yes...he went national!

It was now April, Autism Awareness Month, and time to get the school, once again, involved. For the past four years his school has "celebrated" Autism Awareness Month and World Autism Awareness Day on April 2nd! Why, because when JJ was in the fifth grade he asked them to do so. Since then, every April, the school has "Lit It Up Blue", helped raise funds with us for Autism Speaks, and educated students about the autism spectrum! This year the school went above and beyond... Autism Awareness Month began with the school dressed in blue and an assembly on autism. The students were surprised when a former student of the school, Ninja Warrior, "The Weatherman", Joe Moravsky joined them and spoke about perseverance, acceptance, and overcoming one's differences! This also kicked off a month of fund raising, which ended in a school wide autism walk of their own! Over $2,200 was raised this year by all the hard work done by all the students and teachers... JJ should be very proud of this, it all started with one little question four years ago..."Can we have an autism awareness day?"
We also have to mention JJ's fourth grade teacher Mrs. Jansen here, we thank her for all the help and support she has given us. She helped to get the ball rolling at the school, and because of her it's kept on rolling... Thank You!

The year is coming to end now and JJ is running out of steam. Wait... "I'm trying out for the school play!" More acting, singing, and dancing? Could this really be true? Not so fast... "I told them no singing and dancing!" he said. The play was Annie Jr., a musical, so no big roles here. However, he did have a small role as an apple seller. Just a few lines, but he participated! The rehearsals were long, and text messages longing to come home numerous, but he made it through... Success!!!

 Oh wait... How could I forget? School dances...he FINALLY attended some school dances! He even asked a girl to dance! She said yes... A small achievement in the scheme of things, but probably his proudest moment of all. ;)


It's now June, which brings us back to where we started here, and the year was was almost done. I think my pep talk sank in and I hope he now realizes, you don't need a piece of paper/award to tell you you're amazing! Recognize from within, not from other's opinions of you, how great you really are, and my dear boy...YOU are full of GREATNESS!


We sat and watched him graduate at the end of June, from the only school he's ever known, confident he will continue to make us, and himself, proud for years to come. This is only the beginning...look out high school, here he comes!!!

~ Proud Aspie Mom

A New Beginning

In what seems like a galaxy far far away, approximately a year and a half ago, I wrote my final blog post as Me and "My" Professor. A blog, and FB page, originally created to share what I was learning through my son's wisdom. How he saw the world through his simple, yet brilliant, outlook on life. Through life's little twist and turns, and after he read some hateful comments directed towards him, he wanted to take some time away from it. His reaction had me rethinking where I wanted to go with this blog as well, so I took a break too. Wow, how time flew... 

Since Josh has graduated 8th grade, and is preparing his high school journey, I've been thinking a lot about how far he's come in 14 years... From the lowest of "downs" to the highest of "ups", there has been one constant in all of it... I've ALWAYS been proud of him, and by sharing these stories, hopefully, I can show others that THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE...NEVER GIVE UP, because another PROUD moment is just waiting around the corner! As, a Proud Aspie Mom I know this to be a FACT, and it is too important to share these stories with others!

So...before we start fresh, there are a few ancient post from the old blog you may like... I'm looking forward to future posts filled with proud moments that will not only inspire me, but you as well!

And don't forget to check out, and "Like", our new Facebook page as well... https://www.facebook.com/ProudAspieMom ! :)

It's good to back where we belong! :)

~ Proud Aspie Mom

The Homework "Thorn"

Homework...a headache many parents of typical children have to deal with on a nightly basis. But throw it in the direction of an Autism parent and it takes on a whole new meaning... Here is just a quick little story of my latest battle to remove this seemingly permanent thorn!

Homework Hell... A place I've been to too many times before! And I'm pretty sure I'll be visiting again sometime soon! It's an unavoidable situation that isn't going away... We've been back and forth with his teachers on this, and just how important it is to have, or not to have, nightly homework. Yes, it reinforces what he's learned throughout the day but does it really???

After working hard all day, sometimes harder than his typical peers, his mind will soon reach that "breaking point". That moment when it simply just blocks out anymore information being sent its way, or as the Professor puts it..."I'm logging off!" He may want to "log off", but there's still another good hour of work left to be done. So he's pushed to that breaking point I spoke of... Ahh, the breaking point...where screaming, crying and the demands to be home schooled begin once again! Now he's well beyond exhaustion and any lessons he may have remembered before the breakdown are more than likely lost! This is the point I usually ask myself, What's the point?

We are very lucky to live in a small town where the teachers really do care about his, and my, mental well being. The lines of communication are always open and are OFTEN used... A LOT. Homework has been modified and re modified so many times I've lost count. The latest... All parties agreed the Professor has a lot on his plate in the evening and homework should be limited to no more than 45 minutes a night. The deal is, as long as he works hard and does his best to get it done, whatever isn't finished can be done the next day in first period. He has the BEST first period! It's set up that first period is with the Special Ed teacher who works with him on such difficulties as homework...

Well...that didn't last long! Why? It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep up with demands of middle school homework in only 45 minutes. And as the year rolls on, the demands become greater. Not even first period can bail him out of this sinking ship! Which brings us to last night...

I received the daily homework e-mail from his teacher and knew immediately there was trouble up ahead. Between the essay that was supposed to be done in school, and wasn't, to the Science, Social Studies, Math and reading...HOW is this going to get done in 45 minutes??? Answer...it's not!!! But here's the problem, you've told my rule loving, routine oriented, rigid boy he's only responsible for 45 minutes. If you tell that to him you better believe it is written in stone somewhere in his mind!

Now this is where I got a little angry... The boy gets into the car after school and the first thing he tells me is "mom Miss * told me to tell you that I'm not doing my homework very well, and if I don't finish my Social Studies tonight I will have to write an essay tomorrow." WTH? This is where I'm slamming on the brakes!!! I have watched him work on his homework independantly, as asked, and it's always more than 45 minutes. Obviously it's time to change the homework routine, but to punish him with more work? Yeah...that'll get him moving, I think not!

So we, the Professor and myself, put our heads together and made some changes. On a large piece of paper we listed everything that needed to be done. He could take an hour break after school but then he needed to choose two items off the list to do. BTW, those two items took him 50 minutes to complete. Two down and four left... By the time he was through finishing up the Social Studies, Science and LA we were up to almost two hours of work! And no, I didn't make him do the required 20 minutes of reading after all that. He said it best, "I've read enough words for one night!"

This morning I reopened those lines of communication with the powers that be and I was very pleased with their quick response! This lead to a very productive conversation and a new homework plan...again. Obviously 45 minutes isn't enough time to do homework on some nights, so take that time limit off the table. We can't have him looking to the clock all the time... The most difficult thing for him is anything related to LA, especially writing (he's dysgrahic). This will be the focus of his in school work first period. There will be certain areas of each homework assignment that must be completed at night. The rest could be worked on at school as well. It will be clearly noted what those areas will be! And we will monitor how long this will take each night. Wish us luck!

There is one very important thing I would like to point out and teachers PLEASE take note! Just because you see him working very hard at school, don't confuse this with his ability to continue that pace at home, he won't! Remember, his mind takes at least twice as long to process information and at the end of the day it won't be long before that "breaking point" is reached.

We'll see how it goes, I guess the only way to see what works is through trial and error. Hopefully we'll weed through all those errors and find a solution that will work well for him, and me, that carries him through high school. Is this the end of my homework "thorn"? I doubt it, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!

~Ann~

Autism ~ The Importance Of Stimming

"Stimming" is a term used to describe self stimulatory behaviors in people with Autism. Some examples are arm/hand flapping (a favorite of the professors), body spinning, rocking, lining up toys (a.k.a organizing to a 13 yr. old), smelling objects or hands and vocal stims. To me a vocal stim could be anything from letting out loud "squeals" when excited, to constantly repeating back phrases heard by either a television show or something a friend has said or asked of him (echolalia).

Everyone stims from time to time. Have you ever found yourself tapping your fingers, chewing on the end of a pen cap or twirling your hair? I'm willing to bet it helped you calm down or focus better on a task you were trying to complete! I have several friends who enjoy running, and I bet they too find their feet pounding the pavement to be self soothing. Perhaps a sense of calmness comes over them?

This is what stimming does for a person with Autism. It calms them down, helps them to refocus. It may counter act something overwhelming in their environment (such as sounds, lights or smells). It can simply relieve them of their high levels of anxiety typically felt in their every day lives.

Should stimming be encouraged or discouraged? The answer could be both. Since stimming is an involuntary reaction there is no way to completely avoid it and I wouldn't want him to anyway... As it helps him to focus and get back on track I encourage it, most of the time. But we are learning there is a time and place for it. When he is in the privacy of his own home, his sanctuary, all bets are off... Do what you need to do as long as it doesn't  interfere too much with your everyday responsibilities!

I tend to discourage it a bit when he is out in public. Try to refocus the stim on something else. Perhaps keep a ball to squeeze on in his pocket. He actually prefers to keep a Lego man, to rub, in his pocket instead. As my dear professor gets older it has become almost instinctive to hold back on the stims in public. I do notice him slipping them in from time to time, but he is aware of them and will restrain himself. What is the downside from holding them back? Well... I get a VERY wound up boy at the end of the day, especially the school day, ready to EXPLODE and in DESPERATE need to stim. I'm sure this has a lot to do with our homework struggles nightly (but that's a whole different future post)!

So what has me thinking about stimming this morning? For the first time I realized Josh was aware of them and why he does them. He UNDERSTANDS!!!

While watching a movie this morning, an action movie with zombies, I noticed he kept pausing the movie. After pausing the movie he would run laps up and down the hall while flapping his arms and stomping his foot. My husband asked him why he was doing this and his answer simply amazed me..."My body is having a spasm. I can think better about something when I am having a spasm."

After we heard that, I sat him down and explained to him that those "spasms" he was having were actually called stimming. I went into detail about it with him and he seemed to understand the significance of stimming as it related to him and Autism. However, I am most impressed that he is able to recognize when a stim is necessary. And I'm sure the need to pause and stim during the movie was his way to comprehend all the action taking place.

Now I'm more hopeful than ever that he will continue to learn, as he grows and matures, when it is necessary to allow himself to stim and when it may be an inappropriate time or place for it... But to always know that it is normal to have these behaviors, and it's his body's way of calming down to refocus once again.

~Ann~

The Year In Review... Top 10 Accomplishments According To The Professor!

We've cracked open the accomplishment jar and WOW...what a year it's been!!! There are just too many to recap here, but our Professor has agreed to share his top 10 accomplishments of 2013. I really wish he'd let me share them all. Some are just too funny!!!


#1) I went skiing in February. It was my second time on skis, but my first time really going down a big mountain. Everyone cheered me on and couldn't believe I never skied before!

#2) I came in first place in the Star Wars trivia contest at my school's Star Wars club! Mom said, "that doesn't surprise me!"

 

#3) I continued to master my Lego building skills! My favorite creation was "Attack Of The Zombies!" I love everything that is zombies. My favorite zombie show is The Walking Dead but my mom won't always let me watch it!

#4) I helped lead the way in our school's 2nd annual "Light It Up Blue" day. On April 2nd every year we wear blue to show our support for people with Autism. My school also did a lot of fund raising in April to raise money for an Autism walk I do with my family and friends ever year. More than $1,500 was raised by the school, and my favorite fund raiser was the dunk tank. It was so funny to see the teachers get dunked by the students!!!

#5) I did the kids Marathon in June and ran the final mile of a real marathon!

#6) On June 2nd I helped my mom, and team, cut the ribbon at the beginning of the Walk For Autism. I was very proud to be the team leading the way. It made me feel very happy inside! I couldn't believe all the people who came...

#7) It felt really good to get some awards this year too. My favorites were the school award for commitment to my school's community, and the Autism Speaks Silver Team award for raising over $3,600!!!

#8) I finally made it through an entire baseball game with my dad. It made me feel good to see him so happy! Next we are going to go to a hockey game in January.

#9) Dad and I rode the roller coaster. I am very proud of myself for going on that ride. I'm happy I did it because NEVER again...NEVER again!

# 10) I turned  13 and went to my very first PG-13 movie! And my parents are letting me play a few more mature video games too! Whoo Hoo!!!
(Not too mature though!)

I am so proud of Josh and all of his accomplishments this past year, and I love all those he chose to share. There are SO MANY more...the list could go on, top 100 perhaps?!? And I can't stress enough what a great experience this has been for all of us. One lesson we learned was that no accomplishment is too small. Each is a stepping stone to a bigger goal... To see the joy on his face as he relived some of those forgotten moments was priceless!

So now I urge you to find an empty jar and start filling it with all your accomplishments throughout 2014 (It could even be a family jar). They can be big, small or even silly... Maybe you'll even overcome something you've been working on for years, like riding a bike...hint, hint Professor!


Thank you again for taking the time to read my little blog, and may this year be the happiest, healthiest and most accomplished yet...

~Ann~

First Rule Of Autism...TALK About Autism!

As time goes by I am often reminded of one of the best decisions we ever made as parents of a child with Autism. That decision...to always talk about Autism with Josh. To always keep our dear professor informed, and educated, about his diagnosis of Aspergers. Knowledge is power and as an empowered self advocate there will be no stopping him! Not just educating him about his Autism Spectrum Disorder, but making sure he realized what a large spectrum it is... NO two people with Autism are alike. I'm sure you've heard the saying, if you've met one person with Autism then you've met one person with Autism. Lesson number one...truer words were never spoken!

I'm sure I've mentioned this before but just to recap...
From the moment we received that "official" diagnosis in 2008 the subject of Autism was introduced to Josh Immediately. First they were just words without much meaning to him at all. Soon, as time went by, the meanings would become clear to him. So clear in fact that he now feels obligated to try to help those on the the spectrum with more severe forms of Autism by spreading awareness and acceptance. Not just at home but in his community as well. "I think it's important for me to help people with Autism who can't talk. I may have some idea of what they are thinking." ~ Josh
BTW, his favorite book on the subject... All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome by Kathy Hoopmann (I highly recommend it).

A lot has happened since 2008... He's gone from being diagnosed with PDD NOS to Aspergers in 2010. Then in 2013, under the new guidelines laid out in the DSM-5, he falls under the new category of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). That's a lot to digest...The education of Autism will never end, I too am always learning!

It makes me so proud to see him in action. He takes great pleasure in doing walks for Autism, raising money and awareness for those in need. During his school's annual "Light It Up Blue" day he enjoys sharing what he has learned with others. Continuing to pass along all the valuable lessons he is learning along the way. I consider it a privilege to have a front row seat to his "sharpening" those self advocacy skills he is sure to need in the near future.

Why am I writing about this now? Well... While at a friends house yesterday Josh was playing with this friend on his new Wii U. His friend was excited to play with him, but Josh was also interested in the usual XBOX 360. Although we spoke about doing what others like to do as well, he still gets "stuck" on what he wants to do. This little boy he was with is so amazing. He told his mom that it was okay, and that he understood why Josh wanted to play something else. You see... this fine young man knows about Josh's Autism. How?!? Josh told him! WOW! I was thrilled that he spoke up for himself...and proud that it led this boy to ask his mom, "what is Autism?" And from there a discussion took place, making one more individual Autism aware. My boy...changing the world and he doesn't even know it. He's a natural at it!!!

When a parent asks me, "how did you tell Josh about his diagnosis?" I remind them of the first rule of Autism...TALK about Autism. Start off small and as they get older, and can understand more, share more. Before you know it you too will have a thirteen year old self advocate teaching you a thing or two!

~Ann~

An unexpected kick in the "butt"!!!

Well... I started this blog last year with one intention in mind, to share with others our journey with Autism. The ups and downs of raising a child with Aspergers, and all that our little professor teaches us every day. We were off to a good start but I must admit I let "life" get in our way... I think it was a combination of the professor becoming a teenager and my confusion as to how much, or how little, I should share about that with all of you. Then there was the internal struggle I faced as to where we should focus our support for raising funds for Autism research and awareness.

Ahh... Who to support? Who not to support? I could write a ten page blog post about all the articles I've read not only in regards to Autism Speaks, but other organizations as well. We have always supported many Autism charities, including Autism Speaks! And every year we do the Greater Waterbury Walk Now For Autism Speaks... Whether you agree with that or not is up to you. However, I do ask that you respect our decision. A lot more could be done within the Autism community if more organizations decided to work together instead of tearing each other down. There are times that I believe we are our own worst enemy. And it deeply saddens me... And I'm very disappointed in myself for ALMOST letting the "haters" get to me this past month. I was even considering pulling out of the 2014 walk! Then a very smart boy said something to me that put it all into perspective... "Nobody is perfect and not everyone can agree on everything! Nobody has been teaching the world about Autism like Autism Speaks. I want to keep on walking for the people with Autism who need more help than I do. Everyone is different and some need more help than others!" ~ "My" Professor
I'm just going to leave it at that and NEVER question myself again!

Now, as for the how much or how little to share of "life with an Aspie teen"... I've been STUCK on this one for months!!! It all began when my, not so little, professor got upset one day and deleted the FB page he and I shared together about our journey with Autism. He has since regretted that and did admit he likes sharing stories that may help others through, in his words, "a difficult time or two." And this blog is the perfect place for that...

So what was keeping me from writing??? I guess just a really hard kick in the "butt"!!! Then I ran into another Autism mom who asked about the blog and why I haven't written lately? We had a lovely conversation that ended with my promise to write at least one post a month, hopefully two! I slowly got started... Then the REAL KICK I NEEDED!!! I received the most unexpected e-mail from my Aunt and here is just a bit of what she wrote;
"I came upon your blog. It is wonderful, beautifully written, inspirational ,honest and heartwarming. I can't tell you how impressed I am with these tender stories that recognize the courage, love and joy of this wonderful middle school boy named Josh. I hope you keep writing them. It helps us to understand the life that Josh faces and how he embraces it with such courage and dignity. I have passed this on to some other family members. And Ann keep writing. I hope one day that you publish them. The one theme that runs consistently through your blogs is Love...Josh's love for his family and his family's love for Josh."

And with that being said, I'm finished with this post and off to begin another...


Best wishes for the happiest and healthiest of holidays for all of you!

~Ann~

Congratulations! You're an Asperkid! Let's Celebrate YOU!

It's just another 'typical' Saturday afternoon... Then, while wondering around outside, he spots something by the garage door! What is it? A package addressed to Josh. Hmm... What could it be? After opening the white box a discovery was made, a personalized box wrapped in tissue and confetti just for him! Inside the box were lots of goodies specially picked for him!

Congratulations! You're an Asperkid! Let the excitement begin as we go through the items one by one. And let's find out what Josh has to say about them all. Who better to begin this celebration than an Asperkid himself? Here we go...


1. After opening the package and removing the confetti he notice a bright yellow shirt. On the front upper corner it read, Let's be different together and on the back... Asperkids, AMBASSADORS OF awesomess.
Let's just say, he LOVES it and couldn't agree more with the message! I'm thinking mom and dad need one of these too now!

2. Next he discovered the Bubble Wrap Emergency Stress Buster! Having a stressful day? No problem! Just grab a handful of bubble wrap and pop away... It really is poppable awesomeness, we needed to use some the other day. Whew, it came in really handy!

3. How did Jennifer Cook O'Toole know Josh's favorite color was green? When he unwrapped the petri dish "bacterial" soap and noticed it was green...all smiles! "I'm going to save this for a special occasion" he said! "Or maybe just keep it forever!" He's a collector so...

4. Now the next has become my favorite! SWISH (from Think Fun), a card game that improves your spatial IQ! Josh is still getting the hang of it, but it's sure to become a family FAVORITE!

5. A Blobimal DIY Putty Monster was his next discovery. "This is SO COOL" he exclaimed! I have to agree with him on this one. You can create your own putty monster with lots of monster parts included. Such a GREAT sensory activity for the kiddos to get involved with!

6. A little silver tin, what could this be? Well, there's an Asperkid's Fidget Bracelet inside! "Now I can look cool and keep my fingers busy at the same time", he said. And it was a camouflage colored one too, "double score"!

7. When he saw the next item he backed away a bit at first. It was a small fragrance bottle and like many Aspies, he's not too big on strong smells. But wait a minute, let's read the bottle... Simple, subtle, singular scents. Each day. Everywhere. Pick-Me-Up Cologne Spray. He took a chance and sprayed a little on the back of his hand. A smile began to form and then, "Oh My God, I smell so good! Can I wear this to school tomorrow? I believe this will be very pleasing to the girls at school!" I think I may just have my hands full now...

I can't thank Jennifer Cook O'Toole, and Asperkids, enough for making Josh feel so special. Although all of the items in the box were amazing, the note attached said it all:
Josh,
Congratulations on being an Asperkid! Being different is exactly what makes being a hero - a dreamer - a world changer possible. Always be proud of who you are, because we sure are!

XO Jennifer

It doesn't end there... He received a very special video from Jennifer herself. 15 minutes of complete inspiration!!! She really knows how to make an Asperkid feel special!!!

Thanks again Jennifer, you truly are an inspiration who knows just what to say and do to make our Asperkids feel like TRUE Ambassadors of Awesomess!

XOXO Ann


If you would like to have your Asperkid feel as special as Josh does right now, go to Asperkids.com/AKShop and get your Congratulations! You're an Asperkid! kit today! A true CELEBRATION in a box!!!
http://asperkids.com/shop/kit-congratulations-youre-an-asperkid/

Mother/Son Heart to Heart

When I settled into my comfy spot on the sofa, I had no idea a very important conversation between the Professor and myself was about to take place. Believe me when I tell you, I wasn’t prepared for it at all! My answers to his dilemma came straight from the heart. Whether you agree with them or not, it’s what I felt he needed to hear and would understand. Mother knows best… I think???

It all started with a very shaky boy walking into the room, you could feel the anxiety in the air. Uh oh, I thought, what now?  I could tell he needed to talk, but was going to have some trouble revealing his deep secret.

Me   ~ "What's wrong honey?"

Prof. ~ (voice shaking) "I don't know how to talk about this. I'm confused and nervous, don't think I'm silly mommy!"

Me   ~ "You can tell me anything. I would never make fun of you or anything you have to say, nothing you say is silly."

Prof. ~ "I don't know how to get a girlfriend!"

And that is where this little heart to heart all began...

It breaks my heart to see him so upset over this! Once he felt comfortable he told me about a girl he loves, the same girl he's loved since last year. To protect the innocent we'll just call her Amanda. Amanda is an adorable girl in the same grade as him. Very sweet and I can understand why he is 'crushing' so hard on her. He told me, "I really didn't want to admit it to anyone but I can't stop thinking about her." (Sigh) Now I'm confused! What do I tell him? What will he understand? And will what I have to say make him feel any better about his situation? I would soon find out...

I started out by reassuring him of what a great kid he is. He's smart, funny, honest, trustworthy, and oh so handsome as well. ANY girl would be LUCKY to have a boy, such as himself, be interested in her. However, life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. I told him, "not every girl you like will like you right back. And you won't be interested in every girl that comes chasing after you either, and believe me there will be plenty of them!" He giggled and said he understood, but was still not sure how to get a girl to be his girlfriend.

First, your only 12 so there is no need to worry too much about this. Second, not everyone needs to have a girlfriend. It's always okay to just hang out with your friends and simply have a good time. However, if someday you do want to have a girlfriend you'll have to start by talking to her first. I'm pretty sure Amanda has no idea the Prof. likes her. He can only gaze from afar for so long. So my advice to him, just say hello! When you go to school tomorrow, just say "good morning Amanda or hi Amanda!" Sometimes the hardest part is just getting past those very first words, no matter how small they may seem. To him this will be a huge accomplishment, I'm hoping he will at least say hello to her. Our conversation did go a little deeper, but he asked that I not write about some aspects of it. I'm going to honor that request of his, it's really not needed in order to get my point across anyway.  

By the end of the evening I think we were both feeling good about our conversation. Tears were shed, mostly nervous/ anxious tears by him. By me the tears came from many places. I cried because my boy was in emotional pain (and I can't protect him from this kind of pain), I cried because he had finally confided in me, I cried because he trusted me with his secret, and I cried because we had just had a major mother/son heart to heart. A typical conversation between a mother and her son about a very real issue that ALL tween boys will be going through, not just my awesome Aspie son! So now I wait for his arrival home from school tomorrow... Gulp, let's hope this goes well!

Well school is over and I asked the Prof. how his day was. They started taking CMT's today (state testing) so he talked about that mostly. "Did you talk to Amanda today?", I asked. "Not so much, I just looked at her and said hi." JUST... that's HUGE! I told him how proud I was of him. Just looking and saying hi took great courage on his part. That's one word more than he had said to her the day before! "Every time you talk to her it will get easier, no need to rush anything. Remember you're only 12 and there will be many more girls along the way." UGH, did I just say that? Did I just admit my boy is growing up? Will I be ready to let go? Ready to let go, probably not just yet!

As I watch my boy maturing right before my eyes there's no denying it, he's growing up! I'm well aware that this was a very small hurtle we've just cleared, but it's a start in the right direction. Now that he knows he can trust me with his deepest secrets, I'm hopeful he won't hesitate to come and talk to me again. While many of you will be reading the latest 50 Shades of whatever, I'll be reading several social skills books for teens on the spectrum. This mom will be so ready for whatever the Professor throws my way next, or will I? Probably not, but I'll do my best!!!

~ Ann
Here's a pic of the two of us cuddling on the sofa after our little chat last night...No makeup, bathrobe, tear stained cheeks and all!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I'm Grateful For

I don’t really like to write, but I promised my mom I would write something for her blog if our Facebook page, Me and “My” Professor, reached 1,000 likes before Thanksgiving. She told me I need to keep the promise I made to her. She thought it would be a nice idea for me to write about what I am thankful for. That is what Thanksgiving is all about, but I don’t want to use the word thankful. I am going to make a list of what I am grateful for. I hope that is alright. And thank you for liking the page. Sometimes my mom has good things to say. And sometimes she has to remember to ask my permission before posting a picture of me.

Are you ready for my list? Here it is:

1.     I’m grateful for my cats, Rusty and K.C., Rusty is my favorite. He just gives me loves all the time. K.C. can be grumpy but I love her too.

2.     I’m grateful for my mom. She really takes good care of me and makes sure I am happy. If I get sad she tries to make me feel better, even if she is the one who made me sad. She say’s “no” a lot!

3.     I’m grateful for my dad. He likes to play with me. We have Friday night guy night where we stay up late and watch CSI.

4.     I’m grateful for the Sherman School. They have good teachers who teach me well.

5.     I’m grateful for the good friends I have at school. I think everybody likes me.

6.     I’m grateful for my mom’s Bunco nights. When mom goes out to play with her friends dad and I get extra guy time!

7.     I’m grateful for all my cousins. I don’t have a brother or sister so they are like brothers and sisters.

8.     I’m grateful for everyone else in my family too.

9.     I’m grateful for all my Lego sets. I have a lot of them.

10. I’m grateful for my XBOX 360 and all my video games. Halo 4 is my favorite right now.

11. I’m very, very, very grateful for my new room! It is HUGE! I have all my stuff very close to me. It’s organized too!

12. I’m grateful for my fast feet; they make me a good runner.

13. I’m grateful to have breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. It makes me sad that there are kids who don’t have food or a home.

14. I’m grateful to live in a country that has given me the right to free speech, and the freedom of choice. I’m going to use the freedom of choice soon to choose to stop writing. My hands hurt me now.

15. I’m grateful that I have Aspergers because it makes me a one of a kind person who is unique. And It’s nice to have a page about Aspergers.

16. The last thing I want to be grateful for is Christmas!!! I love Santa Clause and will always believe in him. If you don’t believe you won’t receive, that’s what I always say. I feel badly for the parents who have to buy their non believing children presents. Santa only has time for believers!!!

I have run out of ideas, If I think of anything else I’ll let my mom know to tell you. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

 

Josh (but my mom calls me the Professor)

 

 

Puberty...HELP!

You know you’re in trouble when your son, then almost 12 years old, asks “just what is the fascination with boobies?” And then that same evening follows up with, “can somebody please explain to me just what exactly a prostitute is?” You would think the hubby would help, isn’t he the expert on all this stuff? From the moment I heard him yelling “honey”, I knew it was time… Time to have ‘The Talk’! And, like most things, I’d have to take the reins on this one too. What to do? Well hit Facebook of course…  As I asked for advice friends were, as always, more than willing to help.

I had numerous book suggestions and lots of advice from parents who had previously endured this pain before. But I needed to be careful. Dr. J, our Neuropsychologist, had explained to us how delicately we need to approach this. Josh’s obsessive tendencies could start him on a path that… well let’s not go there if you know what I mean!  I sat in the Dr.’s office while he explained the importance of ‘parental controls’. And that it’s possible he could someday get addicted to porn if he encounters certain video games or websites… SERIOUSLY!!! I closed my eyes, pictured my baby (then 11), placed my hands over my ears and began chanting “la la la”! Not really, but that’s what I wanted to do. At that time I did what most parents would do, I ignored him!

Fast forward a year and the boy’s got questions, lots of questions… After reviewing several books and websites it became clear to me. I would have to handle this just like I’ve handled everything else, baby steps.

Step one… No more CSI episodes on Friday night with daddy, especially CSI Miami! Nothing against CSI, I love the show, but for my 12 year old… way too many prostitutes with big boobies for me to have to explain!

As I slowly explained to him how his body works and the differences between the male body and female body he exclaimed, “Stop! My ears can’t take this much more, they’re burning.” I soon realized he wasn’t ready for a whole lot more than the basics!

I need HELP my friends! How should I approach this? Every time I begin to take a few more baby steps on explaining his ever changing body he exclaims, “Stop! My ears…”

He’s getting older and I’m not sure how slow I can take this. We’ve gone the book route, pictures and all, but he seemed well…”Stop! My eyes…”  How do you get your Aspie son to truly understand ‘the birds and the bees’?  Maybe I’m trying too hard. He is after all a few years emotionally behind his peers. What do you think? I think I’m going to have to take my cues from him…

As you can tell, I’m one clueless mama when it comes to ‘The Talk’. How do you get started when all you hear is “Stop"? I’m open to all suggestions!  Maybe for now I should be happy we’ve started with a solid, though basic, foundation. Each day we’ll build on that until he is fully informed on ALL aspects of ‘The Talk’. This is turning out to be my biggest challenge to date. I’m sure there will be MANY more blogs to come about this journey into puberty… UGH… I’m so not ready, but I know with each day there needs to be a new lesson to teach him so the journey can become complete. Seriously… HELP! 

Josh ~ “Mommy I know what the fascination with boobies are, they are soft and squishy like stuffed animals. I love stuffed animals!”

Me ~ “Yeah, let’s go with that!”

 

Thanks again and HELP!

Ann

A Fact of Life (Death of a Loved One)

It’s been just over a year now since my father in law’s passing and two months since I lost my Mom. I’ve wanted to write about this for awhile now; I just didn’t know where to begin. After almost three weeks and no new blog I thought I would just start… Let’s see where it takes me.

As we all know kids with an ASD don’t like sudden changes in their lives or routines. And something sudden, like the death of a loved one can be, and was, terribly traumatic. So back in July 2010 when my father in law was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer we knew what the most likely outcome would eventually be. How do you prepare your child with autism for such a fate when you’re not prepared to deal with it yet yourself? We had little time to waste. It is such a horrible disease that works very quickly… As with many kids with an ASD Josh pays very close attention to details, no matter how small they will be. My in laws live just ten minutes away and seeing Pop so often we knew there would be no hiding this from him. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am no expert on the subject of explaining death to a child with autism. I can only tell you how we handled it, very slowly and in stages.

Stage one: Full disclosure

From the moment Pop was diagnosed the word cancer was introduced to Josh. He is a very inquisitive child and would definitely be noticing all the changes that were about to take place in Poppy’s appearance. There would be many questions and he would get very honest and REAL answers to all of them. As we learned what Pancreatic Cancer was and how it affected the body he too would learn. No soft answers, nothing but the truth! I followed the number one rule in our house, say what you mean and mean what you say! Some of the answers were very ‘technical’ but with some serious explaining he began to understand the nature of this nasty beast. I remember about a month before Pop passed away they were coming to our house to split wood. It was getting late and Josh wasn’t being too cooperative that morning. He stood there, not dressed yet, as I called his name…again! “Hurry up and get dressed” I said to him. He then replied, “I’m sorry Mommy I was imagining that I could take everything out of Poppy’s stomach and then put him back together again without the cancer.” Ahh… I didn’t expect that!

Stage two: Learning to ‘share’ Daddy

My husband John and Josh are very close. With John working all week the weekends were always their time to have ‘quality time’ together. That was about to drastically change. My in laws live on a farm with a house, two barns and LOTS of property that needed maintaining. Pop was VERY particular how he did things around there and John knew how much it would mean to him to make sure things continued to run smoothly. Explaining to Josh why daddy couldn’t do this, or why daddy couldn’t go there would prove to be the most difficult part of this ordeal. For fifteen months our family stayed close to home, no big family vacations, so John could be there when needed. We explained to Josh that daddy wouldn’t have his father for much longer and that it is very important he spend this time with him now. I wish Josh could have gone with him too but his autism and obsessions would have had him begging to go home just ten minutes after getting there! He once said, “I understand why daddy has to go to Poppy’s a lot but I’m still a little jealous of Poppy.”  I would often catch him looking out the window into the darkness just waiting for daddy to come home. He was supposed to be sleeping but…

Stage three: What happens to someone when they pass away?

Throughout this ordeal Josh had a lot of questions. “What will happen when Poppy dies?” I tried to keep it simple. We talked about the human spirit. How it lives on forever even after the human body is too tired to continue living here on earth. We talked about how even though the body stops working our souls, our unseen true selves, never die and go on to heaven to be with God and other loved ones who have passed on already. He seemed to find great comfort in knowing Poppy would get to see his mom and dad again soon. We talked more about this as we knew time was running out. One day while Josh was in his bedroom, door closed, he lined up all the stuffed animals on his bed. I heard him talking, or should I say teaching them, about death. “When you die your soul or spirit, call it what you like will live on forever in heaven. You will be missed but never forgotten by everybody who loves you.” That is what HE said!

When Poppy passed away on September 25, 2011 although prepared he took it very hard. His body went limp as he fell to the floor. I let him cry it all out and then we talked about all he had learned over this last fifteen months. He spent the next week at home consoling his dad like the little boy with the old spirit that we all know and love.

One problem… Josh had been to many wakes before. He knew the whole process and what was to be expected. However, my father in law was cremated and we forgot to explain that to him. He scared the crap out of my nephew Chris at the wake when, after wandering around a bit, he whispered “hey Chris I can’t find my Poppy.” Chris got nervous and said to “go talk to your mom”. When Josh came to me and asked where the casket was I had to explain what had happened and showed him where the ashes were. Maybe I should have been a little more delicate with my words, but I was completely honest with him. After learning about cremation, on the spot, he wasn’t too happy with the idea. He didn’t really have time to process it.

Stage four: Acceptance

This stage was easier for him than my husband, who is still working on it. Although he still misses Poppy he was well prepared by the end to fully understand what was happening. During those last days my father in law was surrounded by my mother in law and all of his four children. Even though we knew the end was near it was extremely important to John that Josh see Poppy one last time to say I love you (good bye) and give him one last kiss. I wasn’t sure about Josh seeing him in the condition he was in but John insisted he finish out this journey with us all. As Josh lay next to his Poppy in bed, Pop gave him a kiss and whispered “my special boy”.

Just two months ago I lost my mother on August 18, 2012. Although she had been suffering for years with many ailments this was sudden. Josh was sad but by this time was an unfortunate expert on the subject. At her wake he was the perfect little gentleman. Shaking hands and greeting people he had never even met before (I know wow). This time instead of consoling his dad he would console my father. He was always checking in on him, “are you okay Pop?”  And then in a very calm voice said, “at least she’s not crying for mercy anymore. Her body was just too tired to handle the pain and it was just time for her to go to heaven now.” HE said that!

I’m glad I FINALLY sat down to finish this (I started three weeks ago)! It feels good having shared this with all of you… Thanks for taking the time to read it!

Ann

Assistant Principal for a Day (and a little Autism Awareness too)

I must admit that when I bid on the “Pal around with A Principal” at our school’s annual SPTO dinner dance I had more than one agenda in mind. First I thought what a great way for Josh to feel important and special for a day. Second I thought what a great way for an administrator to spend an entire morning with Josh getting to know who he really is. Not that he wasn’t already known, our school is K-8 with only about 450 students in the entire school. And the cherry on top was that our Assistant Principal, Michael Pascento, is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. He truly does care about the well being of the students in our school. You immediately get that feeling when you meet and speak with him for the first time. I knew he’d make this a day Josh would always remember.

It was April and how appropriate as it was also Autism Awareness Month. And as Josh prepared for his special day he could barely control his excitement. I’m pretty sure this stemmed more from missing class than anything else though. We bought a new dress shirt and tie and he was ready to roll.  I have to confess I was a bit sad to be missing this very special day for him (oh to be a fly on the wall…). At this point my anxiety levels were much higher than his. Thankfully I had spies set up around the building with smart phones and cameras ready to go. And with the technology today I was able to get pictures almost immediately, thank you Facebook!

The night before Mr. Pascento had given me a heads up to just a few things he and Josh would be doing. First on the list was a Dunkin Donuts beverage. Apparently the day can’t start without it… Attending the SPTO meeting and also visiting a former, and I must say much beloved, 4^th grade teacher’s class for a classroom observation were next. And don’t worry Mrs. Jansen he’s still giving you two thumbs up! Later there would be a trip downstairs to visit the middle school. This would be a good introduction to the teachers he would be having the next year (bonus!).

When you ask Josh what his favorite part about that day was you might be surprised by his answer. No it wasn’t missing class; it was receiving a ‘Principal for the Day’ certificate. Just the day before he said, “you know mommy I don’t think I will ever get an award. I’m not really good at school and I’m not really good at sports. You have to be really good at something to get an award.” I wanted to cry. Oh wait… I did cry! How sad that he was feeling this way. But wait… during the SPTO meeting he was presented with his certificate or as Josh said “my very first award ever!!!” Mr. Pascento sent me a picture of Josh with his certificate. I could barely recognize him. I don’t think he has ever smiled so BIG before. Way to make a kid feel special! J

Now I’m going to talk about my favorite part of that day. The school was aware of an autism walk we were doing in June and they were also aware that Josh knew all about his diagnosis of Aspergers. Since it was April it was also suggested that Josh help plan our school’s first annual autism awareness day. I spoke with Josh and he was all for it! The two sat down and sent an e-mail to all the teachers. April 30^th would be “Light it up Blue” day at the Sherman School. All were encouraged to wear blue that day to help create a sea of blue through the halls of our school. Josh would even be selling blue Autism Speaks bracelets for the occasion to help raise money for our walk in June.

I was told that day, April the 30^th, you could see the pride on Josh’s face. He had helped to do something that had never been done at the school before. Although after being interviewed for the local paper about it I think it went a little to his head. I would like to share a response to a question Josh was asked with all of you though.  When asked what do you hope your fellow classmates and teachers learned from “Light it up Blue” day? He replied “I hope they learned about what autism is and that they should be aware that people with autism sometimes need special help. It’s nice for kids to know it is okay to have friends with and without autism. I’m really not that different. There’s nothing wrong with how my brain works, it just works a little different.” As a mom of a child on the spectrum I can’t tell you how important it is that he gets that!

The awareness doesn’t end there... I have been reassured that from this point on the Sherman school will continue to acknowledge autism awareness month, and "Light it up Blue" each year!!!

 

As always I thank you for giving me a moment of your time.

Ann