An unexpected kick in the "butt"!!!

Well... I started this blog last year with one intention in mind, to share with others our journey with Autism. The ups and downs of raising a child with Aspergers, and all that our little professor teaches us every day. We were off to a good start but I must admit I let "life" get in our way... I think it was a combination of the professor becoming a teenager and my confusion as to how much, or how little, I should share about that with all of you. Then there was the internal struggle I faced as to where we should focus our support for raising funds for Autism research and awareness.

Ahh... Who to support? Who not to support? I could write a ten page blog post about all the articles I've read not only in regards to Autism Speaks, but other organizations as well. We have always supported many Autism charities, including Autism Speaks! And every year we do the Greater Waterbury Walk Now For Autism Speaks... Whether you agree with that or not is up to you. However, I do ask that you respect our decision. A lot more could be done within the Autism community if more organizations decided to work together instead of tearing each other down. There are times that I believe we are our own worst enemy. And it deeply saddens me... And I'm very disappointed in myself for ALMOST letting the "haters" get to me this past month. I was even considering pulling out of the 2014 walk! Then a very smart boy said something to me that put it all into perspective... "Nobody is perfect and not everyone can agree on everything! Nobody has been teaching the world about Autism like Autism Speaks. I want to keep on walking for the people with Autism who need more help than I do. Everyone is different and some need more help than others!" ~ "My" Professor
I'm just going to leave it at that and NEVER question myself again!

Now, as for the how much or how little to share of "life with an Aspie teen"... I've been STUCK on this one for months!!! It all began when my, not so little, professor got upset one day and deleted the FB page he and I shared together about our journey with Autism. He has since regretted that and did admit he likes sharing stories that may help others through, in his words, "a difficult time or two." And this blog is the perfect place for that...

So what was keeping me from writing??? I guess just a really hard kick in the "butt"!!! Then I ran into another Autism mom who asked about the blog and why I haven't written lately? We had a lovely conversation that ended with my promise to write at least one post a month, hopefully two! I slowly got started... Then the REAL KICK I NEEDED!!! I received the most unexpected e-mail from my Aunt and here is just a bit of what she wrote;
"I came upon your blog. It is wonderful, beautifully written, inspirational ,honest and heartwarming. I can't tell you how impressed I am with these tender stories that recognize the courage, love and joy of this wonderful middle school boy named Josh. I hope you keep writing them. It helps us to understand the life that Josh faces and how he embraces it with such courage and dignity. I have passed this on to some other family members. And Ann keep writing. I hope one day that you publish them. The one theme that runs consistently through your blogs is Love...Josh's love for his family and his family's love for Josh."

And with that being said, I'm finished with this post and off to begin another...


Best wishes for the happiest and healthiest of holidays for all of you!

~Ann~

Congratulations! You're an Asperkid! Let's Celebrate YOU!

It's just another 'typical' Saturday afternoon... Then, while wondering around outside, he spots something by the garage door! What is it? A package addressed to Josh. Hmm... What could it be? After opening the white box a discovery was made, a personalized box wrapped in tissue and confetti just for him! Inside the box were lots of goodies specially picked for him!

Congratulations! You're an Asperkid! Let the excitement begin as we go through the items one by one. And let's find out what Josh has to say about them all. Who better to begin this celebration than an Asperkid himself? Here we go...


1. After opening the package and removing the confetti he notice a bright yellow shirt. On the front upper corner it read, Let's be different together and on the back... Asperkids, AMBASSADORS OF awesomess.
Let's just say, he LOVES it and couldn't agree more with the message! I'm thinking mom and dad need one of these too now!

2. Next he discovered the Bubble Wrap Emergency Stress Buster! Having a stressful day? No problem! Just grab a handful of bubble wrap and pop away... It really is poppable awesomeness, we needed to use some the other day. Whew, it came in really handy!

3. How did Jennifer Cook O'Toole know Josh's favorite color was green? When he unwrapped the petri dish "bacterial" soap and noticed it was green...all smiles! "I'm going to save this for a special occasion" he said! "Or maybe just keep it forever!" He's a collector so...

4. Now the next has become my favorite! SWISH (from Think Fun), a card game that improves your spatial IQ! Josh is still getting the hang of it, but it's sure to become a family FAVORITE!

5. A Blobimal DIY Putty Monster was his next discovery. "This is SO COOL" he exclaimed! I have to agree with him on this one. You can create your own putty monster with lots of monster parts included. Such a GREAT sensory activity for the kiddos to get involved with!

6. A little silver tin, what could this be? Well, there's an Asperkid's Fidget Bracelet inside! "Now I can look cool and keep my fingers busy at the same time", he said. And it was a camouflage colored one too, "double score"!

7. When he saw the next item he backed away a bit at first. It was a small fragrance bottle and like many Aspies, he's not too big on strong smells. But wait a minute, let's read the bottle... Simple, subtle, singular scents. Each day. Everywhere. Pick-Me-Up Cologne Spray. He took a chance and sprayed a little on the back of his hand. A smile began to form and then, "Oh My God, I smell so good! Can I wear this to school tomorrow? I believe this will be very pleasing to the girls at school!" I think I may just have my hands full now...

I can't thank Jennifer Cook O'Toole, and Asperkids, enough for making Josh feel so special. Although all of the items in the box were amazing, the note attached said it all:
Josh,
Congratulations on being an Asperkid! Being different is exactly what makes being a hero - a dreamer - a world changer possible. Always be proud of who you are, because we sure are!

XO Jennifer

It doesn't end there... He received a very special video from Jennifer herself. 15 minutes of complete inspiration!!! She really knows how to make an Asperkid feel special!!!

Thanks again Jennifer, you truly are an inspiration who knows just what to say and do to make our Asperkids feel like TRUE Ambassadors of Awesomess!

XOXO Ann


If you would like to have your Asperkid feel as special as Josh does right now, go to Asperkids.com/AKShop and get your Congratulations! You're an Asperkid! kit today! A true CELEBRATION in a box!!!
http://asperkids.com/shop/kit-congratulations-youre-an-asperkid/

Mother/Son Heart to Heart

When I settled into my comfy spot on the sofa, I had no idea a very important conversation between the Professor and myself was about to take place. Believe me when I tell you, I wasn’t prepared for it at all! My answers to his dilemma came straight from the heart. Whether you agree with them or not, it’s what I felt he needed to hear and would understand. Mother knows best… I think???

It all started with a very shaky boy walking into the room, you could feel the anxiety in the air. Uh oh, I thought, what now?  I could tell he needed to talk, but was going to have some trouble revealing his deep secret.

Me   ~ "What's wrong honey?"

Prof. ~ (voice shaking) "I don't know how to talk about this. I'm confused and nervous, don't think I'm silly mommy!"

Me   ~ "You can tell me anything. I would never make fun of you or anything you have to say, nothing you say is silly."

Prof. ~ "I don't know how to get a girlfriend!"

And that is where this little heart to heart all began...

It breaks my heart to see him so upset over this! Once he felt comfortable he told me about a girl he loves, the same girl he's loved since last year. To protect the innocent we'll just call her Amanda. Amanda is an adorable girl in the same grade as him. Very sweet and I can understand why he is 'crushing' so hard on her. He told me, "I really didn't want to admit it to anyone but I can't stop thinking about her." (Sigh) Now I'm confused! What do I tell him? What will he understand? And will what I have to say make him feel any better about his situation? I would soon find out...

I started out by reassuring him of what a great kid he is. He's smart, funny, honest, trustworthy, and oh so handsome as well. ANY girl would be LUCKY to have a boy, such as himself, be interested in her. However, life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. I told him, "not every girl you like will like you right back. And you won't be interested in every girl that comes chasing after you either, and believe me there will be plenty of them!" He giggled and said he understood, but was still not sure how to get a girl to be his girlfriend.

First, your only 12 so there is no need to worry too much about this. Second, not everyone needs to have a girlfriend. It's always okay to just hang out with your friends and simply have a good time. However, if someday you do want to have a girlfriend you'll have to start by talking to her first. I'm pretty sure Amanda has no idea the Prof. likes her. He can only gaze from afar for so long. So my advice to him, just say hello! When you go to school tomorrow, just say "good morning Amanda or hi Amanda!" Sometimes the hardest part is just getting past those very first words, no matter how small they may seem. To him this will be a huge accomplishment, I'm hoping he will at least say hello to her. Our conversation did go a little deeper, but he asked that I not write about some aspects of it. I'm going to honor that request of his, it's really not needed in order to get my point across anyway.  

By the end of the evening I think we were both feeling good about our conversation. Tears were shed, mostly nervous/ anxious tears by him. By me the tears came from many places. I cried because my boy was in emotional pain (and I can't protect him from this kind of pain), I cried because he had finally confided in me, I cried because he trusted me with his secret, and I cried because we had just had a major mother/son heart to heart. A typical conversation between a mother and her son about a very real issue that ALL tween boys will be going through, not just my awesome Aspie son! So now I wait for his arrival home from school tomorrow... Gulp, let's hope this goes well!

Well school is over and I asked the Prof. how his day was. They started taking CMT's today (state testing) so he talked about that mostly. "Did you talk to Amanda today?", I asked. "Not so much, I just looked at her and said hi." JUST... that's HUGE! I told him how proud I was of him. Just looking and saying hi took great courage on his part. That's one word more than he had said to her the day before! "Every time you talk to her it will get easier, no need to rush anything. Remember you're only 12 and there will be many more girls along the way." UGH, did I just say that? Did I just admit my boy is growing up? Will I be ready to let go? Ready to let go, probably not just yet!

As I watch my boy maturing right before my eyes there's no denying it, he's growing up! I'm well aware that this was a very small hurtle we've just cleared, but it's a start in the right direction. Now that he knows he can trust me with his deepest secrets, I'm hopeful he won't hesitate to come and talk to me again. While many of you will be reading the latest 50 Shades of whatever, I'll be reading several social skills books for teens on the spectrum. This mom will be so ready for whatever the Professor throws my way next, or will I? Probably not, but I'll do my best!!!

~ Ann
Here's a pic of the two of us cuddling on the sofa after our little chat last night...No makeup, bathrobe, tear stained cheeks and all!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I'm Grateful For

I don’t really like to write, but I promised my mom I would write something for her blog if our Facebook page, Me and “My” Professor, reached 1,000 likes before Thanksgiving. She told me I need to keep the promise I made to her. She thought it would be a nice idea for me to write about what I am thankful for. That is what Thanksgiving is all about, but I don’t want to use the word thankful. I am going to make a list of what I am grateful for. I hope that is alright. And thank you for liking the page. Sometimes my mom has good things to say. And sometimes she has to remember to ask my permission before posting a picture of me.

Are you ready for my list? Here it is:

1.     I’m grateful for my cats, Rusty and K.C., Rusty is my favorite. He just gives me loves all the time. K.C. can be grumpy but I love her too.

2.     I’m grateful for my mom. She really takes good care of me and makes sure I am happy. If I get sad she tries to make me feel better, even if she is the one who made me sad. She say’s “no” a lot!

3.     I’m grateful for my dad. He likes to play with me. We have Friday night guy night where we stay up late and watch CSI.

4.     I’m grateful for the Sherman School. They have good teachers who teach me well.

5.     I’m grateful for the good friends I have at school. I think everybody likes me.

6.     I’m grateful for my mom’s Bunco nights. When mom goes out to play with her friends dad and I get extra guy time!

7.     I’m grateful for all my cousins. I don’t have a brother or sister so they are like brothers and sisters.

8.     I’m grateful for everyone else in my family too.

9.     I’m grateful for all my Lego sets. I have a lot of them.

10. I’m grateful for my XBOX 360 and all my video games. Halo 4 is my favorite right now.

11. I’m very, very, very grateful for my new room! It is HUGE! I have all my stuff very close to me. It’s organized too!

12. I’m grateful for my fast feet; they make me a good runner.

13. I’m grateful to have breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. It makes me sad that there are kids who don’t have food or a home.

14. I’m grateful to live in a country that has given me the right to free speech, and the freedom of choice. I’m going to use the freedom of choice soon to choose to stop writing. My hands hurt me now.

15. I’m grateful that I have Aspergers because it makes me a one of a kind person who is unique. And It’s nice to have a page about Aspergers.

16. The last thing I want to be grateful for is Christmas!!! I love Santa Clause and will always believe in him. If you don’t believe you won’t receive, that’s what I always say. I feel badly for the parents who have to buy their non believing children presents. Santa only has time for believers!!!

I have run out of ideas, If I think of anything else I’ll let my mom know to tell you. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

 

Josh (but my mom calls me the Professor)

 

 

Puberty...HELP!

You know you’re in trouble when your son, then almost 12 years old, asks “just what is the fascination with boobies?” And then that same evening follows up with, “can somebody please explain to me just what exactly a prostitute is?” You would think the hubby would help, isn’t he the expert on all this stuff? From the moment I heard him yelling “honey”, I knew it was time… Time to have ‘The Talk’! And, like most things, I’d have to take the reins on this one too. What to do? Well hit Facebook of course…  As I asked for advice friends were, as always, more than willing to help.

I had numerous book suggestions and lots of advice from parents who had previously endured this pain before. But I needed to be careful. Dr. J, our Neuropsychologist, had explained to us how delicately we need to approach this. Josh’s obsessive tendencies could start him on a path that… well let’s not go there if you know what I mean!  I sat in the Dr.’s office while he explained the importance of ‘parental controls’. And that it’s possible he could someday get addicted to porn if he encounters certain video games or websites… SERIOUSLY!!! I closed my eyes, pictured my baby (then 11), placed my hands over my ears and began chanting “la la la”! Not really, but that’s what I wanted to do. At that time I did what most parents would do, I ignored him!

Fast forward a year and the boy’s got questions, lots of questions… After reviewing several books and websites it became clear to me. I would have to handle this just like I’ve handled everything else, baby steps.

Step one… No more CSI episodes on Friday night with daddy, especially CSI Miami! Nothing against CSI, I love the show, but for my 12 year old… way too many prostitutes with big boobies for me to have to explain!

As I slowly explained to him how his body works and the differences between the male body and female body he exclaimed, “Stop! My ears can’t take this much more, they’re burning.” I soon realized he wasn’t ready for a whole lot more than the basics!

I need HELP my friends! How should I approach this? Every time I begin to take a few more baby steps on explaining his ever changing body he exclaims, “Stop! My ears…”

He’s getting older and I’m not sure how slow I can take this. We’ve gone the book route, pictures and all, but he seemed well…”Stop! My eyes…”  How do you get your Aspie son to truly understand ‘the birds and the bees’?  Maybe I’m trying too hard. He is after all a few years emotionally behind his peers. What do you think? I think I’m going to have to take my cues from him…

As you can tell, I’m one clueless mama when it comes to ‘The Talk’. How do you get started when all you hear is “Stop"? I’m open to all suggestions!  Maybe for now I should be happy we’ve started with a solid, though basic, foundation. Each day we’ll build on that until he is fully informed on ALL aspects of ‘The Talk’. This is turning out to be my biggest challenge to date. I’m sure there will be MANY more blogs to come about this journey into puberty… UGH… I’m so not ready, but I know with each day there needs to be a new lesson to teach him so the journey can become complete. Seriously… HELP! 

Josh ~ “Mommy I know what the fascination with boobies are, they are soft and squishy like stuffed animals. I love stuffed animals!”

Me ~ “Yeah, let’s go with that!”

 

Thanks again and HELP!

Ann

A Fact of Life (Death of a Loved One)

It’s been just over a year now since my father in law’s passing and two months since I lost my Mom. I’ve wanted to write about this for awhile now; I just didn’t know where to begin. After almost three weeks and no new blog I thought I would just start… Let’s see where it takes me.

As we all know kids with an ASD don’t like sudden changes in their lives or routines. And something sudden, like the death of a loved one can be, and was, terribly traumatic. So back in July 2010 when my father in law was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer we knew what the most likely outcome would eventually be. How do you prepare your child with autism for such a fate when you’re not prepared to deal with it yet yourself? We had little time to waste. It is such a horrible disease that works very quickly… As with many kids with an ASD Josh pays very close attention to details, no matter how small they will be. My in laws live just ten minutes away and seeing Pop so often we knew there would be no hiding this from him. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am no expert on the subject of explaining death to a child with autism. I can only tell you how we handled it, very slowly and in stages.

Stage one: Full disclosure

From the moment Pop was diagnosed the word cancer was introduced to Josh. He is a very inquisitive child and would definitely be noticing all the changes that were about to take place in Poppy’s appearance. There would be many questions and he would get very honest and REAL answers to all of them. As we learned what Pancreatic Cancer was and how it affected the body he too would learn. No soft answers, nothing but the truth! I followed the number one rule in our house, say what you mean and mean what you say! Some of the answers were very ‘technical’ but with some serious explaining he began to understand the nature of this nasty beast. I remember about a month before Pop passed away they were coming to our house to split wood. It was getting late and Josh wasn’t being too cooperative that morning. He stood there, not dressed yet, as I called his name…again! “Hurry up and get dressed” I said to him. He then replied, “I’m sorry Mommy I was imagining that I could take everything out of Poppy’s stomach and then put him back together again without the cancer.” Ahh… I didn’t expect that!

Stage two: Learning to ‘share’ Daddy

My husband John and Josh are very close. With John working all week the weekends were always their time to have ‘quality time’ together. That was about to drastically change. My in laws live on a farm with a house, two barns and LOTS of property that needed maintaining. Pop was VERY particular how he did things around there and John knew how much it would mean to him to make sure things continued to run smoothly. Explaining to Josh why daddy couldn’t do this, or why daddy couldn’t go there would prove to be the most difficult part of this ordeal. For fifteen months our family stayed close to home, no big family vacations, so John could be there when needed. We explained to Josh that daddy wouldn’t have his father for much longer and that it is very important he spend this time with him now. I wish Josh could have gone with him too but his autism and obsessions would have had him begging to go home just ten minutes after getting there! He once said, “I understand why daddy has to go to Poppy’s a lot but I’m still a little jealous of Poppy.”  I would often catch him looking out the window into the darkness just waiting for daddy to come home. He was supposed to be sleeping but…

Stage three: What happens to someone when they pass away?

Throughout this ordeal Josh had a lot of questions. “What will happen when Poppy dies?” I tried to keep it simple. We talked about the human spirit. How it lives on forever even after the human body is too tired to continue living here on earth. We talked about how even though the body stops working our souls, our unseen true selves, never die and go on to heaven to be with God and other loved ones who have passed on already. He seemed to find great comfort in knowing Poppy would get to see his mom and dad again soon. We talked more about this as we knew time was running out. One day while Josh was in his bedroom, door closed, he lined up all the stuffed animals on his bed. I heard him talking, or should I say teaching them, about death. “When you die your soul or spirit, call it what you like will live on forever in heaven. You will be missed but never forgotten by everybody who loves you.” That is what HE said!

When Poppy passed away on September 25, 2011 although prepared he took it very hard. His body went limp as he fell to the floor. I let him cry it all out and then we talked about all he had learned over this last fifteen months. He spent the next week at home consoling his dad like the little boy with the old spirit that we all know and love.

One problem… Josh had been to many wakes before. He knew the whole process and what was to be expected. However, my father in law was cremated and we forgot to explain that to him. He scared the crap out of my nephew Chris at the wake when, after wandering around a bit, he whispered “hey Chris I can’t find my Poppy.” Chris got nervous and said to “go talk to your mom”. When Josh came to me and asked where the casket was I had to explain what had happened and showed him where the ashes were. Maybe I should have been a little more delicate with my words, but I was completely honest with him. After learning about cremation, on the spot, he wasn’t too happy with the idea. He didn’t really have time to process it.

Stage four: Acceptance

This stage was easier for him than my husband, who is still working on it. Although he still misses Poppy he was well prepared by the end to fully understand what was happening. During those last days my father in law was surrounded by my mother in law and all of his four children. Even though we knew the end was near it was extremely important to John that Josh see Poppy one last time to say I love you (good bye) and give him one last kiss. I wasn’t sure about Josh seeing him in the condition he was in but John insisted he finish out this journey with us all. As Josh lay next to his Poppy in bed, Pop gave him a kiss and whispered “my special boy”.

Just two months ago I lost my mother on August 18, 2012. Although she had been suffering for years with many ailments this was sudden. Josh was sad but by this time was an unfortunate expert on the subject. At her wake he was the perfect little gentleman. Shaking hands and greeting people he had never even met before (I know wow). This time instead of consoling his dad he would console my father. He was always checking in on him, “are you okay Pop?”  And then in a very calm voice said, “at least she’s not crying for mercy anymore. Her body was just too tired to handle the pain and it was just time for her to go to heaven now.” HE said that!

I’m glad I FINALLY sat down to finish this (I started three weeks ago)! It feels good having shared this with all of you… Thanks for taking the time to read it!

Ann

Assistant Principal for a Day (and a little Autism Awareness too)

I must admit that when I bid on the “Pal around with A Principal” at our school’s annual SPTO dinner dance I had more than one agenda in mind. First I thought what a great way for Josh to feel important and special for a day. Second I thought what a great way for an administrator to spend an entire morning with Josh getting to know who he really is. Not that he wasn’t already known, our school is K-8 with only about 450 students in the entire school. And the cherry on top was that our Assistant Principal, Michael Pascento, is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. He truly does care about the well being of the students in our school. You immediately get that feeling when you meet and speak with him for the first time. I knew he’d make this a day Josh would always remember.

It was April and how appropriate as it was also Autism Awareness Month. And as Josh prepared for his special day he could barely control his excitement. I’m pretty sure this stemmed more from missing class than anything else though. We bought a new dress shirt and tie and he was ready to roll.  I have to confess I was a bit sad to be missing this very special day for him (oh to be a fly on the wall…). At this point my anxiety levels were much higher than his. Thankfully I had spies set up around the building with smart phones and cameras ready to go. And with the technology today I was able to get pictures almost immediately, thank you Facebook!

The night before Mr. Pascento had given me a heads up to just a few things he and Josh would be doing. First on the list was a Dunkin Donuts beverage. Apparently the day can’t start without it… Attending the SPTO meeting and also visiting a former, and I must say much beloved, 4^th grade teacher’s class for a classroom observation were next. And don’t worry Mrs. Jansen he’s still giving you two thumbs up! Later there would be a trip downstairs to visit the middle school. This would be a good introduction to the teachers he would be having the next year (bonus!).

When you ask Josh what his favorite part about that day was you might be surprised by his answer. No it wasn’t missing class; it was receiving a ‘Principal for the Day’ certificate. Just the day before he said, “you know mommy I don’t think I will ever get an award. I’m not really good at school and I’m not really good at sports. You have to be really good at something to get an award.” I wanted to cry. Oh wait… I did cry! How sad that he was feeling this way. But wait… during the SPTO meeting he was presented with his certificate or as Josh said “my very first award ever!!!” Mr. Pascento sent me a picture of Josh with his certificate. I could barely recognize him. I don’t think he has ever smiled so BIG before. Way to make a kid feel special! J

Now I’m going to talk about my favorite part of that day. The school was aware of an autism walk we were doing in June and they were also aware that Josh knew all about his diagnosis of Aspergers. Since it was April it was also suggested that Josh help plan our school’s first annual autism awareness day. I spoke with Josh and he was all for it! The two sat down and sent an e-mail to all the teachers. April 30^th would be “Light it up Blue” day at the Sherman School. All were encouraged to wear blue that day to help create a sea of blue through the halls of our school. Josh would even be selling blue Autism Speaks bracelets for the occasion to help raise money for our walk in June.

I was told that day, April the 30^th, you could see the pride on Josh’s face. He had helped to do something that had never been done at the school before. Although after being interviewed for the local paper about it I think it went a little to his head. I would like to share a response to a question Josh was asked with all of you though.  When asked what do you hope your fellow classmates and teachers learned from “Light it up Blue” day? He replied “I hope they learned about what autism is and that they should be aware that people with autism sometimes need special help. It’s nice for kids to know it is okay to have friends with and without autism. I’m really not that different. There’s nothing wrong with how my brain works, it just works a little different.” As a mom of a child on the spectrum I can’t tell you how important it is that he gets that!

The awareness doesn’t end there... I have been reassured that from this point on the Sherman school will continue to acknowledge autism awareness month, and "Light it up Blue" each year!!!

 

As always I thank you for giving me a moment of your time.

Ann