Mother/Son Heart to Heart

When I settled into my comfy spot on the sofa, I had no idea a very important conversation between the Professor and myself was about to take place. Believe me when I tell you, I wasn’t prepared for it at all! My answers to his dilemma came straight from the heart. Whether you agree with them or not, it’s what I felt he needed to hear and would understand. Mother knows best… I think???

It all started with a very shaky boy walking into the room, you could feel the anxiety in the air. Uh oh, I thought, what now?  I could tell he needed to talk, but was going to have some trouble revealing his deep secret.

Me   ~ "What's wrong honey?"

Prof. ~ (voice shaking) "I don't know how to talk about this. I'm confused and nervous, don't think I'm silly mommy!"

Me   ~ "You can tell me anything. I would never make fun of you or anything you have to say, nothing you say is silly."

Prof. ~ "I don't know how to get a girlfriend!"

And that is where this little heart to heart all began...

It breaks my heart to see him so upset over this! Once he felt comfortable he told me about a girl he loves, the same girl he's loved since last year. To protect the innocent we'll just call her Amanda. Amanda is an adorable girl in the same grade as him. Very sweet and I can understand why he is 'crushing' so hard on her. He told me, "I really didn't want to admit it to anyone but I can't stop thinking about her." (Sigh) Now I'm confused! What do I tell him? What will he understand? And will what I have to say make him feel any better about his situation? I would soon find out...

I started out by reassuring him of what a great kid he is. He's smart, funny, honest, trustworthy, and oh so handsome as well. ANY girl would be LUCKY to have a boy, such as himself, be interested in her. However, life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. I told him, "not every girl you like will like you right back. And you won't be interested in every girl that comes chasing after you either, and believe me there will be plenty of them!" He giggled and said he understood, but was still not sure how to get a girl to be his girlfriend.

First, your only 12 so there is no need to worry too much about this. Second, not everyone needs to have a girlfriend. It's always okay to just hang out with your friends and simply have a good time. However, if someday you do want to have a girlfriend you'll have to start by talking to her first. I'm pretty sure Amanda has no idea the Prof. likes her. He can only gaze from afar for so long. So my advice to him, just say hello! When you go to school tomorrow, just say "good morning Amanda or hi Amanda!" Sometimes the hardest part is just getting past those very first words, no matter how small they may seem. To him this will be a huge accomplishment, I'm hoping he will at least say hello to her. Our conversation did go a little deeper, but he asked that I not write about some aspects of it. I'm going to honor that request of his, it's really not needed in order to get my point across anyway.  

By the end of the evening I think we were both feeling good about our conversation. Tears were shed, mostly nervous/ anxious tears by him. By me the tears came from many places. I cried because my boy was in emotional pain (and I can't protect him from this kind of pain), I cried because he had finally confided in me, I cried because he trusted me with his secret, and I cried because we had just had a major mother/son heart to heart. A typical conversation between a mother and her son about a very real issue that ALL tween boys will be going through, not just my awesome Aspie son! So now I wait for his arrival home from school tomorrow... Gulp, let's hope this goes well!

Well school is over and I asked the Prof. how his day was. They started taking CMT's today (state testing) so he talked about that mostly. "Did you talk to Amanda today?", I asked. "Not so much, I just looked at her and said hi." JUST... that's HUGE! I told him how proud I was of him. Just looking and saying hi took great courage on his part. That's one word more than he had said to her the day before! "Every time you talk to her it will get easier, no need to rush anything. Remember you're only 12 and there will be many more girls along the way." UGH, did I just say that? Did I just admit my boy is growing up? Will I be ready to let go? Ready to let go, probably not just yet!

As I watch my boy maturing right before my eyes there's no denying it, he's growing up! I'm well aware that this was a very small hurtle we've just cleared, but it's a start in the right direction. Now that he knows he can trust me with his deepest secrets, I'm hopeful he won't hesitate to come and talk to me again. While many of you will be reading the latest 50 Shades of whatever, I'll be reading several social skills books for teens on the spectrum. This mom will be so ready for whatever the Professor throws my way next, or will I? Probably not, but I'll do my best!!!

~ Ann
Here's a pic of the two of us cuddling on the sofa after our little chat last night...No makeup, bathrobe, tear stained cheeks and all!