The Homework "Thorn"

Homework...a headache many parents of typical children have to deal with on a nightly basis. But throw it in the direction of an Autism parent and it takes on a whole new meaning... Here is just a quick little story of my latest battle to remove this seemingly permanent thorn!

Homework Hell... A place I've been to too many times before! And I'm pretty sure I'll be visiting again sometime soon! It's an unavoidable situation that isn't going away... We've been back and forth with his teachers on this, and just how important it is to have, or not to have, nightly homework. Yes, it reinforces what he's learned throughout the day but does it really???

After working hard all day, sometimes harder than his typical peers, his mind will soon reach that "breaking point". That moment when it simply just blocks out anymore information being sent its way, or as the Professor puts it..."I'm logging off!" He may want to "log off", but there's still another good hour of work left to be done. So he's pushed to that breaking point I spoke of... Ahh, the breaking point...where screaming, crying and the demands to be home schooled begin once again! Now he's well beyond exhaustion and any lessons he may have remembered before the breakdown are more than likely lost! This is the point I usually ask myself, What's the point?

We are very lucky to live in a small town where the teachers really do care about his, and my, mental well being. The lines of communication are always open and are OFTEN used... A LOT. Homework has been modified and re modified so many times I've lost count. The latest... All parties agreed the Professor has a lot on his plate in the evening and homework should be limited to no more than 45 minutes a night. The deal is, as long as he works hard and does his best to get it done, whatever isn't finished can be done the next day in first period. He has the BEST first period! It's set up that first period is with the Special Ed teacher who works with him on such difficulties as homework...

Well...that didn't last long! Why? It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep up with demands of middle school homework in only 45 minutes. And as the year rolls on, the demands become greater. Not even first period can bail him out of this sinking ship! Which brings us to last night...

I received the daily homework e-mail from his teacher and knew immediately there was trouble up ahead. Between the essay that was supposed to be done in school, and wasn't, to the Science, Social Studies, Math and reading...HOW is this going to get done in 45 minutes??? Answer...it's not!!! But here's the problem, you've told my rule loving, routine oriented, rigid boy he's only responsible for 45 minutes. If you tell that to him you better believe it is written in stone somewhere in his mind!

Now this is where I got a little angry... The boy gets into the car after school and the first thing he tells me is "mom Miss * told me to tell you that I'm not doing my homework very well, and if I don't finish my Social Studies tonight I will have to write an essay tomorrow." WTH? This is where I'm slamming on the brakes!!! I have watched him work on his homework independantly, as asked, and it's always more than 45 minutes. Obviously it's time to change the homework routine, but to punish him with more work? Yeah...that'll get him moving, I think not!

So we, the Professor and myself, put our heads together and made some changes. On a large piece of paper we listed everything that needed to be done. He could take an hour break after school but then he needed to choose two items off the list to do. BTW, those two items took him 50 minutes to complete. Two down and four left... By the time he was through finishing up the Social Studies, Science and LA we were up to almost two hours of work! And no, I didn't make him do the required 20 minutes of reading after all that. He said it best, "I've read enough words for one night!"

This morning I reopened those lines of communication with the powers that be and I was very pleased with their quick response! This lead to a very productive conversation and a new homework plan...again. Obviously 45 minutes isn't enough time to do homework on some nights, so take that time limit off the table. We can't have him looking to the clock all the time... The most difficult thing for him is anything related to LA, especially writing (he's dysgrahic). This will be the focus of his in school work first period. There will be certain areas of each homework assignment that must be completed at night. The rest could be worked on at school as well. It will be clearly noted what those areas will be! And we will monitor how long this will take each night. Wish us luck!

There is one very important thing I would like to point out and teachers PLEASE take note! Just because you see him working very hard at school, don't confuse this with his ability to continue that pace at home, he won't! Remember, his mind takes at least twice as long to process information and at the end of the day it won't be long before that "breaking point" is reached.

We'll see how it goes, I guess the only way to see what works is through trial and error. Hopefully we'll weed through all those errors and find a solution that will work well for him, and me, that carries him through high school. Is this the end of my homework "thorn"? I doubt it, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!

~Ann~

Autism ~ The Importance Of Stimming

"Stimming" is a term used to describe self stimulatory behaviors in people with Autism. Some examples are arm/hand flapping (a favorite of the professors), body spinning, rocking, lining up toys (a.k.a organizing to a 13 yr. old), smelling objects or hands and vocal stims. To me a vocal stim could be anything from letting out loud "squeals" when excited, to constantly repeating back phrases heard by either a television show or something a friend has said or asked of him (echolalia).

Everyone stims from time to time. Have you ever found yourself tapping your fingers, chewing on the end of a pen cap or twirling your hair? I'm willing to bet it helped you calm down or focus better on a task you were trying to complete! I have several friends who enjoy running, and I bet they too find their feet pounding the pavement to be self soothing. Perhaps a sense of calmness comes over them?

This is what stimming does for a person with Autism. It calms them down, helps them to refocus. It may counter act something overwhelming in their environment (such as sounds, lights or smells). It can simply relieve them of their high levels of anxiety typically felt in their every day lives.

Should stimming be encouraged or discouraged? The answer could be both. Since stimming is an involuntary reaction there is no way to completely avoid it and I wouldn't want him to anyway... As it helps him to focus and get back on track I encourage it, most of the time. But we are learning there is a time and place for it. When he is in the privacy of his own home, his sanctuary, all bets are off... Do what you need to do as long as it doesn't  interfere too much with your everyday responsibilities!

I tend to discourage it a bit when he is out in public. Try to refocus the stim on something else. Perhaps keep a ball to squeeze on in his pocket. He actually prefers to keep a Lego man, to rub, in his pocket instead. As my dear professor gets older it has become almost instinctive to hold back on the stims in public. I do notice him slipping them in from time to time, but he is aware of them and will restrain himself. What is the downside from holding them back? Well... I get a VERY wound up boy at the end of the day, especially the school day, ready to EXPLODE and in DESPERATE need to stim. I'm sure this has a lot to do with our homework struggles nightly (but that's a whole different future post)!

So what has me thinking about stimming this morning? For the first time I realized Josh was aware of them and why he does them. He UNDERSTANDS!!!

While watching a movie this morning, an action movie with zombies, I noticed he kept pausing the movie. After pausing the movie he would run laps up and down the hall while flapping his arms and stomping his foot. My husband asked him why he was doing this and his answer simply amazed me..."My body is having a spasm. I can think better about something when I am having a spasm."

After we heard that, I sat him down and explained to him that those "spasms" he was having were actually called stimming. I went into detail about it with him and he seemed to understand the significance of stimming as it related to him and Autism. However, I am most impressed that he is able to recognize when a stim is necessary. And I'm sure the need to pause and stim during the movie was his way to comprehend all the action taking place.

Now I'm more hopeful than ever that he will continue to learn, as he grows and matures, when it is necessary to allow himself to stim and when it may be an inappropriate time or place for it... But to always know that it is normal to have these behaviors, and it's his body's way of calming down to refocus once again.

~Ann~