Anxiety, Fear, and Chest Pains!

When you're doubled over with severe chest pains, yet you continue to cook dinner with your left hand and Google symptoms of a heart attack with your right (true story), something needs to be done!

For years I've put everyone else's needs first...well now it's mama's turn. If I don't do it now, there may not be a later. I truly believe this to be true! For fourteen years I've done nothing but worry about JJ and his future. Then I'd tell myself, nightly, "it's all good...he'll be just fine!" I do believe that but... How good will it get? Know what I mean??? At 14, entering high school, and having them talk (ALREADY) about "what do we see him doing after graduation...", has this lady's  mind in panicked overdrive!!! And guess what happens when you hold those worries close to your heart? Yes...anxiety, fear, and NOW chest pains!

If you've read some of my previous blogs, then you already know that JJ has just graduated from the only school he's ever known. For twelve years...many of the same students, teachers, special educators, and para professionals. And many of these individuals have become dear friends of ours. Over the years I have learned to lean on them for support, guidance, and reassurance that... "It's all good...he'll be just fine." But what happens when that suddenly goes away? Well, from my personal point of view, I can tell you it feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath my feet and I'm running with socks on, trying to keep from falling, all while the room is spinning! It won't stop...

We were comfortable... They all knew JJ and his quirky ways. And with all the autism awareness spread at the school, I felt his peers really understood and accepted him. There may not have been a lot of play dates or phone calls to get together, but he was well liked and most of all accepted for who he is!

They've all graduated and are moving on to their various high schools. Only a very small handful of those heading to the same school as JJ. Will he adjust well to a new school? Will the teachers take the time to know and, most importantly, understand him? Will he make new friends? Will he be bullied, teased, made to feel unimportant? Will he find a path he'll continue on after high school? What will he be when he grows up??? And will his former classmates want to keep in touch with him??? The unknown is frightening!!!

All these questions are making MY anxiety unbearable now... I can't focus, I'm snapping at others, and my level of patience is at an all time low! Even JJ has suggested..."You need to see a psychiatrist and start taking better care of yourself."

These worries aren't going away anytime soon. And it's going to be a long four years of high school...so I better take JJ's advice. As usual, he makes the most sense of anybody I'll ever know!

At the end of 8th grade JJ was asked to answer some questions about his experiences and what he felt about leaving, and moving on to high school. His special ed teacher e-mailed the following picture to me.

Find a quote that personally connected to you. How could you use it as you move ahead into high school?
JJ ~ "just to keep calm and carry on even in the toughest times that you are having in life."

I'm going to try my best to take this advice. In the meantime, I've taken his advice and made an appointment with the Dr.! I know now, it's impossible for me to take on all the "will he" and "what ifs" without taking better care of myself FIRST. Thanks JJ for putting it into perspective for me, once again! You may not let me publicly call you my professor anymore, but you will always be my greatest teacher!

I'm sure there will be future posts about my adventures on "the couch"...but until then, I'm going to take long walks, take deep breaths, and keep calm. Just like JJ said! Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!!!

~ Proud Aspie Mom

He thought he had nothing to be proud of...

When he walked into the house, with a sad look upon his face, I asked him "what's wrong?" His reply... "I thought I did some good stuff this year, guess not."

Let me explain...The school year was ending, his final year at a school he's attended for twelve years (Pre K - 8th), and the kids were all excited for the year end activities! One of these events is an awards night where students are recognized, mainly 8th graders, for academic achievements and various other school wide achievements as well. Students receiving awards would receive a letter in the mail. JJ checked our mailbox for about two weeks before he realized, nothing was coming. I took the sad faced boy aside to have a little pep talk... Making him realize that there are very few awards presented that night, and that he wasn't the only one not receiving one, took some time. He soon just accepted it and moved on, like he always does, to the next thing on his schedule for the day...

I'm not going to lie here...it wasn't only a disappointment for JJ, I too felt a bit let down. At first I was really upset/angry...but then I remembered my talk with JJ. We talked about the greatest year he just had. A year where he stepped way outside of his comfort zone, not just in school but outside as well... No piece of paper/award was going to change that!

So he thought he had nothing to be proud of, after reading this post I hope he'll realize, what I already know, he has EVERYTHING to be proud...

The school year began with the kids being told, "this is your last year here, your last chance to do something you've never done before...make it count." My "Mr. Literal" took those words to heart and, what we called, the year of Josh would soon take off!

As I said before, this was his twelfth year at the school. JJ started just days prior to his third birthday in their preschool program, where he spent three years. Through the years he's never shown much interest in any of the school's extracurricular activities, EXCEPT Lego Club and Star Wars Club (Of Course). Never showed an interest in attending a school play, concert, talent show, etc...and speaking in front of a crowd was painful to watch at times. So Imagine my surprise when he came home last September and declared, "I'm running for student council president! I might try out for soccer too!" The desire to play soccer soon left his thoughts, but he DID run for president! He may not have won the actual election, but we all know he really did... He made posters (ok, I helped) to put up around the school. He even gave a speech, which he wrote, in front of the entire middle school with confidence. When he lost the election, he did so with grace...never upset for a moment, because he knew he did something amazing. Now that's WINNING!

Next up... "Hey mom, I'm auditioning for the Song to Symphony play at school." My first thought was, does he realize this will involve acting, singing, AND dancing? These are all things he's never enjoyed, but he was on a mission to give it a try. The long hours of rehearsal soon began to take its toll on him. He had to adjust his daily routine, which meant less time spent on his passions...video games, Star Wars, and Legos! After numerous text messages such as, "Pick me up NOW Please Please Please, I'm your only son!", and "I'm not staying until 5:00, that crazy!", he stuck it out... There he stood, center stage, acting, singing and YES...dancing too! As my husband yelled out, "that's my boy!", everyone knew what that moment just meant to us.

It was now December and the new year was quickly approaching... After the first of every year our family begins our annual mission to raise funds for those living with autism, through the Western Connecticut Walk Now for Autism Speaks. This is something we have done together for the past six years, and JJ really enjoys it! One of our proudest moments of this year was when JJ was asked to give a speech at the walk kick off dinner.  At first he said, "no, I already gave a speech this year, just one speech per year!" After thinking it through, he realized it was a new year and then said yes. He organized his thoughts, wrote a speech on why he walks, and then bravely stood in front of a room full of people where he gave a speech we'll never forget! Autism Speaks has recently posted the video of his speech to their national Facebook page and website! Yes...he went national!

It was now April, Autism Awareness Month, and time to get the school, once again, involved. For the past four years his school has "celebrated" Autism Awareness Month and World Autism Awareness Day on April 2nd! Why, because when JJ was in the fifth grade he asked them to do so. Since then, every April, the school has "Lit It Up Blue", helped raise funds with us for Autism Speaks, and educated students about the autism spectrum! This year the school went above and beyond... Autism Awareness Month began with the school dressed in blue and an assembly on autism. The students were surprised when a former student of the school, Ninja Warrior, "The Weatherman", Joe Moravsky joined them and spoke about perseverance, acceptance, and overcoming one's differences! This also kicked off a month of fund raising, which ended in a school wide autism walk of their own! Over $2,200 was raised this year by all the hard work done by all the students and teachers... JJ should be very proud of this, it all started with one little question four years ago..."Can we have an autism awareness day?"
We also have to mention JJ's fourth grade teacher Mrs. Jansen here, we thank her for all the help and support she has given us. She helped to get the ball rolling at the school, and because of her it's kept on rolling... Thank You!

The year is coming to end now and JJ is running out of steam. Wait... "I'm trying out for the school play!" More acting, singing, and dancing? Could this really be true? Not so fast... "I told them no singing and dancing!" he said. The play was Annie Jr., a musical, so no big roles here. However, he did have a small role as an apple seller. Just a few lines, but he participated! The rehearsals were long, and text messages longing to come home numerous, but he made it through... Success!!!

 Oh wait... How could I forget? School dances...he FINALLY attended some school dances! He even asked a girl to dance! She said yes... A small achievement in the scheme of things, but probably his proudest moment of all. ;)


It's now June, which brings us back to where we started here, and the year was was almost done. I think my pep talk sank in and I hope he now realizes, you don't need a piece of paper/award to tell you you're amazing! Recognize from within, not from other's opinions of you, how great you really are, and my dear boy...YOU are full of GREATNESS!


We sat and watched him graduate at the end of June, from the only school he's ever known, confident he will continue to make us, and himself, proud for years to come. This is only the beginning...look out high school, here he comes!!!

~ Proud Aspie Mom

A New Beginning

In what seems like a galaxy far far away, approximately a year and a half ago, I wrote my final blog post as Me and "My" Professor. A blog, and FB page, originally created to share what I was learning through my son's wisdom. How he saw the world through his simple, yet brilliant, outlook on life. Through life's little twist and turns, and after he read some hateful comments directed towards him, he wanted to take some time away from it. His reaction had me rethinking where I wanted to go with this blog as well, so I took a break too. Wow, how time flew... 

Since Josh has graduated 8th grade, and is preparing his high school journey, I've been thinking a lot about how far he's come in 14 years... From the lowest of "downs" to the highest of "ups", there has been one constant in all of it... I've ALWAYS been proud of him, and by sharing these stories, hopefully, I can show others that THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE...NEVER GIVE UP, because another PROUD moment is just waiting around the corner! As, a Proud Aspie Mom I know this to be a FACT, and it is too important to share these stories with others!

So...before we start fresh, there are a few ancient post from the old blog you may like... I'm looking forward to future posts filled with proud moments that will not only inspire me, but you as well!

And don't forget to check out, and "Like", our new Facebook page as well... https://www.facebook.com/ProudAspieMom ! :)

It's good to back where we belong! :)

~ Proud Aspie Mom